Golf horoscopes, why I'm like Tiger Woods, and why to bet on Natalie Gulbis

It is Friday night, right? I expected to be doing something else tonight but my other half is down with some kind of nasty cold. Rather than dosing up on Airborne and Emergen-C like I'm known to do in such situations, I opted instead to go the route of the martini. Truth be told, I intended to do the martini thing last night but I never got around to it, so I am glad for the opportunity. And though I've cautioned in the past against drinking and flogging, here I am - sitting with my Goose, my martini (also a goose of the gray variety even though they spell it wrong) and Tom Waits, typing away. I have to say that these blue cheese olives I bought at BevMo suck. Shoulda stuck to my own hand-stuffed freshies. Ah well, live and learn.

I suppose I should find the point. Not the one on my head (I actually have a pointy skull and if I ever shaved my head I'd probably look like a real Conehead - my parents swear they didn't drop me) but an actual golf-related type of point. Ah yes, golf horoscopes.

While sitting here surfing around, I found a site called Pargazer which is my new favorite site. This ain't my first square dance, though, so I won't stick it in my links list just yet. (Ever really connect with someone at a bar and declare them your new bestest friend and swear you'll call?)

ANYWAY - Why do I like this site so much? It actually likens me to Tiger Woods simply because I was born within a few days of him. It's mostly a site that sells stuff, but the gimmick is golf humor and horoscopes. I think we all like to believe in the reading of the stars when it's favorable. Which is why so many horoscopes focus on the positive aspects of a person's sign. This one uses the same general horoscopic - did I just invent that word? - theories and applies them to a person's golf game. It's pretty fun, actually.

I'm a goat, through and through. Hey, maybe that point on my head is actually a horn trying to stick through. No, that would make me a unicorn. Nevermind. Almost everything I've read about Capricorns pretty accurately describes me. Even the bad stuff. I'm a major astronomy geek which makes some people see irony in that I'm also terribly fascinated by astrology. Not Capricorns, though. They know that while we may be commonly known as pragmatists we can also be quite creative and apply that flair to our logic. When you really think about the cohesive nature of the universe, why wouldn't the position of the stars at the exact moment of our births have something to do with our personalities and indeed, everything about us? I could go on and on and delve into quantum physics and really rationalize this.

But oh yeah - this is a golf blog. And I'm like Tiger Woods. Just lookie here:

But wait a minute...

Isn't it interesting that there's no mention of noted female Capricorn golfers? Nancy Lopez and Natalie Gulbis are both Capricorns. Shame on you, Pargazer! Now you're not getting on my links list for sure (as if they'll feel the pain). I'm not going to spend any time researching this right now but it seems to me that horoscopes are typically more of a chick thing and the folks at Pargazer are morons for not knowing their audience.

There may be critics who say Natalie hasn't won, she won't win, she doesn't "have it," she's too "flaky." If anyone doubts what Natalie Gulbis will accomplish, hear me now: if she wants to win at golf, she will. She may be too busy right now applying her dogged Capricorn-ness to enlisting sponsors, endorsements and fans at the moment, but when she really focuses on golf, watch out! Calendars Looks fade; skills develop. She's a goat, alright!

Okay, so I'm way older, shinier and drunker, but can't you see the Capricorn in us both?

Next post.