.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Golf horoscopes, why I'm like Tiger Woods, and why to bet on Natalie Gulbis

It is Friday night, right? I expected to be doing something else tonight but my other half is down with some kind of nasty cold. Rather than dosing up on Airborne and Emergen-C like I'm known to do in such situations, I opted instead to go the route of the martini. Truth be told, I intended to do the martini thing last night but I never got around to it, so I am glad for the opportunity. And though I've cautioned in the past against drinking and flogging, here I am - sitting with my Goose, my martini (also a goose of the gray variety even though they spell it wrong) and Tom Waits, typing away. I have to say that these blue cheese olives I bought at BevMo suck. Shoulda stuck to my own hand-stuffed freshies. Ah well, live and learn.

I suppose I should find the point. Not the one on my head (I actually have a pointy skull and if I ever shaved my head I'd probably look like a real Conehead - my parents swear they didn't drop me) but an actual golf-related type of point. Ah yes, golf horoscopes.

While sitting here surfing around, I found a site called Pargazer which is my new favorite site. This ain't my first square dance, though, so I won't stick it in my links list just yet. (Ever really connect with someone at a bar and declare them your new bestest friend and swear you'll call?)

ANYWAY - Why do I like this site so much? It actually likens me to Tiger Woods simply because I was born within a few days of him. It's mostly a site that sells stuff, but the gimmick is golf humor and horoscopes. I think we all like to believe in the reading of the stars when it's favorable. Which is why so many horoscopes focus on the positive aspects of a person's sign. This one uses the same general horoscopic - did I just invent that word? - theories and applies them to a person's golf game. It's pretty fun, actually.

I'm a goat, through and through. Hey, maybe that point on my head is actually a horn trying to stick through. No, that would make me a unicorn. Nevermind. Almost everything I've read about Capricorns pretty accurately describes me. Even the bad stuff. I'm a major astronomy geek which makes some people see irony in that I'm also terribly fascinated by astrology. Not Capricorns, though. They know that while we may be commonly known as pragmatists we can also be quite creative and apply that flair to our logic. When you really think about the cohesive nature of the universe, why wouldn't the position of the stars at the exact moment of our births have something to do with our personalities and indeed, everything about us? I could go on and on and delve into quantum physics and really rationalize this.

But oh yeah - this is a golf blog. And I'm like Tiger Woods. Just lookie here:

But wait a minute...

Isn't it interesting that there's no mention of noted female Capricorn golfers? Nancy Lopez and Natalie Gulbis are both Capricorns. Shame on you, Pargazer! Now you're not getting on my links list for sure (as if they'll feel the pain). I'm not going to spend any time researching this right now but it seems to me that horoscopes are typically more of a chick thing and the folks at Pargazer are morons for not knowing their audience.

There may be critics who say Natalie hasn't won, she won't win, she doesn't "have it," she's too "flaky." If anyone doubts what Natalie Gulbis will accomplish, hear me now: if she wants to win at golf, she will. She may be too busy right now applying her dogged Capricorn-ness to enlisting sponsors, endorsements and fans at the moment, but when she really focuses on golf, watch out! Calendars Looks fade; skills develop. She's a goat, alright!


Okay, so I'm way older, shinier and drunker, but can't you see the Capricorn in us both?

10 comments:

Patricia said...

Thanks for the Pargazer tip. How wacky and fun is that? I just tried it. So, you're a goat and I'm... a beer cart. Not a beer cart girl mind you, just a beer cart. The whole Aquarius water bearer thing. Anyway, I love this post. BTW, I see the Cap in you and Natalie.

Wishing you a slightly belated Happy Birthday.

Jam Boy said...

Gotta respect the Grey Goose.

And thanks so much for the link. It compared me to Davis Love III and some guy from when hickory shafts were cutting-edge.

It also said something to the effect of, "makes stupid bets."

Yep. That sounds about right.

Take care Golfchick.

Scott said...

Interesting - I had no idea that Arnold Palmer's birthday was only 3 days away from mine...

Here's what they had to say about me 'n "The King" (which I tend to agree with, by the way...especially the part about being adamant about etiquette):

Your great passion is golf and any apprehensions about your swing that you may experience occasionally will give way to the confidence of the Virgo personality. Your attention to detail and strong desire to avoid mistakes will make you a competent player most times you tee it up. Solid course management and patience are some key elements in the approach taken by Virgo golfers and your ability to think your way around a course will help you avoid the big numbers that can spoil a round. A Virgo is sensitive to the environment and is particularly susceptible to personal fitness. On the course he is adamant about etiquette and will not tolerate gamesmanship. He is an organizer who sometimes finds that part of his character to be an annoyance but organization in golf will pay dividends down the road.

Scott said...

Oh, and uh, I forgot to mention in last night's post...

All I see is two attractive blondes...

=)

mediaguru @ HookedOnGolfBlog.com said...

You're cuter than she is...

Golfchick said...

Your check is in the mail. ;)

Dick Schaeferq said...

Dear Golfchick,
My name is Dick Schaefer and I am the creator of Pargazer. Your comments were very welcome and I do appreciate and thank you for opening my eyes to a moronic mistake, that of not including the great women players in golf. Not only players like Natalie Gulbis (by the way, you are better looking)but Nancy Lopez, Mickey Wright, Sandra Palmer and many, many others. Thanks to your comments I plan to correct my errant ways as fast as I can get my webmaster to respond. Look for much more content about women in golf. I hope to eventually earn that link. By the way, I am a golf travel guy in Scottsdale Arizona, http://scottsdalegolf.com . Why not promote a Golfchick trip somewhere, with you as the escort, a golf trip to Scottsdale, a golf cruise, etc. It would be a blast for your audience.

Golfchick said...

Hi Dick,

Thanks for stopping by. Glad to hear you're going to be correcting that error! I look forward to seeing how it enhances your site.

Thanks for the great idea about the golf trip. I can see it now... the first annual Golfchick golf outing. Uh... I guess I'd have to come up with something more catchy. I'll definitely give that some serious thought! Maybe I need to post the idea to gauge the readers' interest. Hmm...

Anonymous said...

Good Idea, since you have the pulse of the ladies golf community it would be great to have suggestions from your readers on how I can improve Pargazer. I actually wrote a series of summer golf horoscopes for women for Tee Times Magaszine. I can actually do separate horoscopes for women on the site. What do you think?

Dick

Golfchick said...

I think you should still have the one main horoscope for each sign for both genders.

Then maybe you could have "ladies tour" and a "mens tour" corners with special features.