Thursday, November 02, 2006

Ask the Goose: question from Scott

Scott in Thousand Oaks, CA writes:

What do you do all day to keep busy while Kristen [the golfchick] is away at work?

Thanks for asking, Scott. Sometimes I feel so forgotten.

Now that I'm a retired security executive and don't have the requisite
thumbs to play golf (that lack of freakin' thumbs has plagued me all my life), I still seem to find plenty to keep myself occupied. Sleep is paramount among my hobbies and time-fillers. I'm not even too keen on the obscenely overflowing room they call a toy trunk anymore.

Actually, Mom's been working from home when not traveling with her current gig, which allows for slightly more peaceful sleep. Notwithstanding the onslaught of kisses and pets I receive every time she nears me, I prefer her being around simply because it's less work for me.

Allow me to explain.

My career with the Williams Household organization was long and honorable and I enjoyed a generous compensation plan. Part of that plan was my college fund. I failed to read the fine print of that benefit and when I neglected to go to college, it automatically rolled over into my Medicare plan. Although not quite as convoluted as I understand the human equivalent to be, this Medicare is a bitch (no offense to myself). Granted, I'm taking full advantage of the monetary benefits with my current illness and ongoing disability and I can use whatever drug plan suits my needs best, but here's where I actually get to the point of answering your question: I have to do chores!

That's right. How many Medicare recipients do you know that are required to do laundry, clean the house, go grocery shopping, cook the meals and take out the trash? I mean, I don't actually do those things, but I'm supposed to. Actually, I enjoy taking out the trash, but I don't do it quite to the satisfaction of the plan provider. And lately, I have been struggling to do even that.

Here I am after a failed (foiled) attempt at taking out the trash Goose style. Look how I play it up for the sympathy. It worked, too! Mom didn't even get mad at me for the attempted smorgasbord.

I have to admit she's been more than gracious in light of my frequent contretemps due to my temporary infirmity. I guess I'm lucky she only beats me on Wednesdays. Maybe this plan isn't so bad after all.

It seems the answer to your question is that I don't do much of anything whether she's home or away. Now excuse me while I drown my sorrows in pooch hooch.

The Goose

Next post.


Triniti and Tailer in Oak Park said...

Wow, Goose - what an amazing life you lead!

The lack of prehensile thumbs hasn't handicapped your ability to bring a smile to everyone around you...

It's a dog's life, huh?

We should get together sometime and compare notes on how to be as lazy as possible! (It's amazing how DIFFICULT it is to figure out how to achieve maximum comfort velocity, and achieve JUST the right sleeping position...)

Anonymous said...

Dear Goose,

I’m often asked the same question as I too am retired. I do have the advantage of my thumbs, but other disabilities preclude my golf game. I still seem to find plenty to keep myself occupied. Sometimes I have so much to do, I have to ask myself if it wouldn’t save more time if I just didn’t shower. (A trick taught to me by my brother-in-law). I will begin to receive Medicare in a month or two and I look forward to your advice regarding the in’s and out’s of the plan.

I understand being able to get more peaceful sleep when your mom is home. At this time, I’m away from home and I find it a little less comforting not to have Dad here. And, I do miss the onslaught of kisses and pets. Life is a bitch (no offense to you), and then you die. (At least that’s what my nephew always told me).

That’s all I have time for now, I have to take out the trash.

Goose Lover

Guy Barry said...

No doubt you have the gift of bringing smiles to our faces